Over-dosage.

Para sa mga taong may MU (Malabong Usapan) Relationship / Monday, June 26, 2006

She is a 24-year old copywriter.
He is an architect.
They met and became lovers in college.
They broke up last year but remained to be "friends."
They send sweet text messages and he calls her often to make sure she's okay.
They still date.
They still have sex.
They don't see anyone else.
It is obvious that they still love each other but when asked about their situation, she doesn't know the real score.
Even her friends are in the dark.
"Parang sila, pero hindi."

---

She works in a telecom.
He is reviewing for the board.
They are in the same barkada.
They talk on the phone till 4 am.
He gives her chocolates, flowers and CDs even when there is no occasion.
Their friends are suspecting something.
Bakit sila nagsosolo kapag may overnight inuman?
Why does he hold her close on the dance floor?
Bakit sila magkaholding hands lagi?
Sila kaya?
"He hasn't admitted anything," she rants.
"But I let him hug and kiss me.
Parang kami, pero hindi."

---

They work together in an ad agency.
After office, they would watch movie, have dinner and stroll at Glorietta.
She gave him Harry Potter books for his birthday in exchange for posing as her boyfriend to make an ex jealous.
They made out during the company outing in Subic and never talked about it.
He said "I love you" once but she wasn't sure if she heard him correctly because they were both drunk then.
But one thing she is sure of is her feelings for him.
She likes him.
And she's assuming that with what he's doing to her and with her, he likes her, too.
There's just one hitch: he has a girlfriend!

---

She is a 28-year-old virgin.
He's a 35-year-old bachelor.
Both mountaineers, they became close during their climbs.
After a few dates in posh restaurants, he brings her to his condo where they would make out.
They have been doing this for months.
She wants to believe that "sila na" but then she's not really sure about it.
"We don't talk about it but it doesn't really matter," she'd tell her friends.
"What's important is I am enjoying this-whatever it is."

---

The "parang kayo, pero hindi" stage.
Others call it MU or mutual understanding.
Pseudo-relationships.
Pseudo-boyfriends.
Flings.
Almost like a relationship, but not quite.
It is a phase where the persons involved are more than friends, but not quite lovers.
Puwedeng may verbal agreement, puwedeng wala.
One or both of you may have admitted your feelings, possible ding hindi.
You just let your gestures do the talking for you.
Walang pormal na ligawan na nangyari.
Hindi kayo mag-dyowa.
Pero sa kilos niyo, sa mga sinasabi niyo, parang kayo, pero hindi.
This kind of "relationship" can happen at different stages for different reasons.
It can happen after a break-up.
You still love each other and you want to be with each other but you broke up for a reason.
And for reasons that you alone know, ayaw niyo na muna magkabalikan.
It can also happen before a relationship, iyong pareho kayong nakikiramdam.
Possible din na ayaw niyo munang mag-seryoso kaya kunwa-kunwarian lang muna.
Testing lang.
Puwede ring hindi puwedeng maging kayo kasi isa sa inyo-usually the guy *may ka relasyon na.
Kaya habang hindi pa siya nakikipag-break doon sa girl (sabi niya makikipag-break siya soon pero di naman niya ginagawa), wala muna kayong relasyon para nga naman hindi siya nangagaliwa kasi "hindi naman kayo."

This pseudo-relationship stage, for a time, can be fun.
Lalo na kung naghahanap ka lang naman ng "kalaro."
Pero huwag ka lang mag-e-expect na may patutunguhan kayo kasi wala talagang kasiguraduhan.So bakit ang daming nagse-settle sa ganitong set up ganoong hindi naman sigurado kung may patutunguhan?
Iba't ibang dahilan.
Puwedeng for fun lang. Puwedeng "buti na iyan kesa wala" or puwede na iyang
"pantawid-gutom."
Meaning, habang wala pa iyong the real thing, doon muna sa kunwa-kunwarian.
For those who are not in a serious relationship, they would think that pseudo-relationship is better than no relationship at all.
It would be fun, if all you are after for is that "kilig" feeling.
Aminado naman ako na once upon a time, may mga pseudo-relationships din ako.
No commitments involved.
For the simplest reason that they couldn't commit, because they were either committed to someone else, or that they weren't ready to commit.
My rationalization, "okay na iyun, kesa wala."
Ang habol ko lang naman, iyong kilig feeling.
Iyong merong nagtatanong kung kumusta araw ko.
Iyong merong kahang-out sa beach outing.
Iyong kapag tumunog ang cellphone, mapapangiti na ako dahil alam kong galing sa kanya ang message.
Iyong merong laging kasama.
Habang wala pa ang the real thing, puwede na itong pagtiyagaan.
But then I learned that although it was only a pseudo-relationship, the emotions were real.
And usually, in this kind of set up, ang babae lagi ang lugi.
Una, you can't ask him to commit.
Since it's not really a relationship, you can't demand commitment from your partner.
Ano ba kayo?
May K ka nga ba magpasundo ng hatinggabi?
You will always be uncertain about your role in his life.
You can't expect him to be always there with you.
And if you feel jealous of the other girls, you just have to keep it to yourself.
Ano ka ba niya para magselos?
Pangalawa, what if you fall deeply in love with him?
You can't be sure if he feels the same way.
Baka nag-a-assume ka lang na mahal ka rin niya.
Even if you are dying to tell him you love him, you can't.
Because you're not sure if he'll like it.
Baka mapahiya ka lang.
This stage will always make you wonder where you are in the relationship.
Or if there is a relationship at all.
Pangatlo, what if you become attached too much?
What if you have invested all your emotions and this man hasn't?
What if you remain faithful to him, not entertaining other guys, only to find out that he is seeing other girls?
Isa pang downside ng pseudo-relationships, it is fleeting.
When a disagreement sets in, or when one of you gets cold, then that would be the end of it.
Unlike in a serious relationship, hindi mo alam kung saan ka lulugar sa isang pseudo-relationship.
Wala kang pinanghahawakan.
Kasi sa pseudo-relationship, there is no "us."
Meron lang "you and me," hindi "us."
Buti sana kung pseudo-pain din lang ang mararanasan mo.
Kaso, hindi eh.
Real pain.
And usually, kahit tapos na ang pseudo-relationship, hindi mo maiwasan umasang one day, may karugtong pa rin iyun.
And you will be miserable, hoping to bring back what you used to have, only to find out eventually that the guy is in another pseudo-relationship with somebody else.
Ang hirap, ano?
You agreed to this kind of set up for fun and then you'd end up hurting yourself in the process.
Pero pwede naman maiwasan ang pain eh.
Puwede naman na hindi mo muna isipin ang future and just enjoy the feeling, without thinking of the consequences.
But if you are certain that you are going to hurt yourself in the process, kailangan mo mamili.
You can be happy and live the moment without worrying what would happen next.
Or you can stop settling with pseudo-relationships and wait for the real thing.

Ang bottom line lang naman, kung magpapasaya sa iyo, gawin mo.
Ihanda mo lang ang sarili mo sa consequence.
Dahil ang "parang kayo pero hindi" stage ay bihirang nagiging totoo.

Labels: Rages of the Heart

/sluggish Marjoured blogged at:
6/26/2006 06:39:00 AM
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Survived... / Saturday, June 24, 2006

Whew! I finally survived my first week of formal classes...Since my schoolwork is in the way, I would be updating weekly and promise, I'll tell all my experiences during that week in one post. Haha..That's impossible though...It wouldn't fit...And I guess I'm much luckier than I was in my third year...All I have to do are my assignments for Tuesday and Wednesday..And yeah, I still have a bout of colds...And I hope that I can do much better next week.

Gotta go though...

Labels: School blues

/sluggish Marjoured blogged at:
6/24/2006 09:39:00 AM
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Tag-Hirap / Monday, June 19, 2006

Hmmm...I think I survived my formal classes...Well basically I was not up to the test but I guess it's worth it...Physics was quite ok...I got the lesson really nicely locked up in my mind...Asked a couple of questions and I guess, it went quite good. (Whew!)

Well, I hope that tomorrow and the next couple of days would be better...Well, the mythology homework is a real stress reliever...(Just kidding!) Anyway, I need to refresh my mind about my Math...It's getting cobwebs in there! I think I was too complacent with it...*sigh*

Guess the world is no better place after all...

Labels: School blues

/sluggish Marjoured blogged at:
6/19/2006 08:41:00 PM
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Que Horror / Thursday, June 15, 2006

I decided to update again (finally!) before formal classes starts...I must say, I have some assignments, due on Monday and I need to finish them by Friday...Dammit! I can't go to that thingy ( I need to ask again!) 'Coz I don't want to worry by Sunday when formal classes start by Monday the next day...I searched the literary works needed for English and I will research the assignment for Math..I will still print the visuals for filipino...And oh no! I need to read the book on Physics...Speaking of Physics, I'm so terribly unlucky! Dunno why, but I think it would be much better...Hope so! Well, let me tell you what really happened...

Well, I was slouching on my seat during the rest of the session...When Sir Romy threw us random questions...The first question was kind of tough...What is the difference between Physics and Chemistry? No one raised their hands yet. And here comes the painful part...

I don't know what he exactly said but it goes like this:

"Daig pa kayo ng physiology...Mga anim na agad ang nagtaas ng kamay sa kanila, iilan lang yung nagtataas sa inyo..."

I was suddenly jerked awake. And so were the rest of the class.

Then the second question was thrown. "Why is knowledge in English important for the Study of Physics?" I already had an idea of what to say but sadly, I wasn't able to spit it out. I was too terrified to commit a mistake. Then when he revealed the answer, I almost punched the table. I was right after all.

Then, the third question was thrown. "Why do we need to compute?" or the much more simplified version, "What do we compute?"

Honestly, I was so sleepy that I couldn't look him straight in the eye. I was looking sideways all the time. When suddenly, he called my attention. I was so surprised and terrified at the same time. When i was giving my answer, I stuck on the word because...

He suddenly said, "Because??!!"

I was so shocked, I jumped backward in horror. My classmates laughed at me. I continued, but was stuttuering so much, I was starting to eat my words. But I hit a key word: DATA.

And the answer was so simple: Measurements.

I can't believe I was in hot water that time. I was trying to stop myself to let my tears fall down. I was so genuinely embarrassed.

As I was still thinking about it, I realize that not all the time, we are on top of the world, but on the depths of despair.

Sigh.

P.S. I decided not to post just yet the rest of the summary...Really sorry I can't just yet.

Labels: School blues

/sluggish Marjoured blogged at:
6/15/2006 09:15:00 PM
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D.N. Angel / Friday, June 09, 2006

Well earlier, I watched the final episode of D.N. Angel, and I admit, it's done wonderfully well...The fight between Dark and Light (Krad in the Jap Version) is especially so great...And of course, Daisuke's will to save Satoshi from his horrible fate is so touching (of course, with the heated rivalry between the Niwas and the Hikaris) well, I'm certain that Dai and Riku will live happily ever after (Satoshi and Risa's glances were meaningful, I say.)

...

A couple of days more, and school's back. Yes, homework, quizzes, projects and the like...I guess it's really inevitable...Yeah, who wouldn't miss those things? (I wouldn't!)

Labels: Out of the Blue

/sluggish Marjoured blogged at:
6/09/2006 10:07:00 PM
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A Couple of Days More...School!!! / Wednesday, June 07, 2006

Well, sorry if I only posted today...Well, I wasn't in the mood to post...Well, I'm working on my first (and last!) layout...It's kinda crude...Watched 13 episodes of Digimon O2 in my spare time...I found this certain music site..I decided to take my cue from there...Well, I want to put my personal touch on my blog by having my own layout...Anyway, I'm halfway done with the novel, I won't post it all since it spans about 5 pages per chapter...Only the summary will be posted...And Lulu is having her little share of the Limelight...She's done wonderful skins for blogskins and I'm happy to say, a lot of people liked them...WOOHOO!!!*chuckles*

Well, school's just around the corner, I presume it would be a fun-filled school year and at the same time, a bit short 'coz just 10 months more and I'll be leaving my precious alma mater that had been my home for almost 9 years *sniffles*. Well, I think I'm getting old already...I guess...

Well, this post is finished for today...Bye!

Labels: Rages of the Heart

/sluggish Marjoured blogged at:
6/07/2006 09:43:00 PM
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I Am Currently Facing The Worst Month Of My Life / Sunday, June 04, 2006

Hmm..Based from the events that happened and the events that are about to happen, I can say after this last week before the aformentioned school year, I will be facing the worst month of June ever! And it's not even the beginning! (for details, refer to my current mood.)

Well basically, I am looking forward to my last 10 months of my high school life...All I can say is...Carryover the past hurts, lies, and heartaches that I have experienced during my Third Year...Well, I'm not saying that I'm not too optimistic about my forthcoming fourth year life...It's just...It's just...

I can say that I have come to the point where I will choose my future and the path that I should take...And what people say makes it all the more confusing...I know, I couldn't reach out to the other bloggers...Well, I know it will take some time before this blog gets noticed...I want to make sure that everyone who stumbles upon this site will benefit from what I'm saying...Hmmm...

I would be very busy this coming schoolyear...Maybe it's time to get serious and focus more and more on my priorities...My life was a mess during Third Year...I just know it...

But I want to thank all who have been a part of my life during my first 3 years of High School...You've done a wonderful job of reshaping,molding and wrecking my wretched life...All I want to say is that if not for all of you, my life would have been a total mess.

P.S. I am currently working on my first novel...The title is Tears of Ice and Snow...Basically, I want to teach the potential readers of my story the importance of friendship, how true love can wait, that jealousy is the root of all broken relationships, and the give and take aspect of love. The events happened during the feudal years when many countries go to war to gain territories and some aspects of the Renaissance. I know that it would be different from the past stories that I have written since the feel of realism and escapism are present, so bear with me. I will be posting it within this week.

Labels: Rages of the Heart

/sluggish Marjoured blogged at:
6/04/2006 09:56:00 PM
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Writing Advice / Thursday, June 01, 2006

Well, I decided to start off this article with a background of my short-spanned and illustrious career as a student cum writer...

Well, I had this serious encounter in writing since my elementary years. "Class, write something about your summer vacation.", "Class, write something about your pet." , "Class, write something about nature." The versatility is endless. I must admit, I don't like writing so much. I always ran out of ideas to write about.

Well, when I was in Grade 4, I wrote something about my fantasy vacation. And my teacher in English liked what I wrote. She was the one who encouraged me to write. Up to this day, I thank her for giving me the chance.

My teachers, well some of them, like the essays I write. They always give me praises for my works. I must admit, if weren't for them, I would've threw my manuscripts into the trash can and let the dump read it.

Of course, I also have my share of frustrations in this field. When I joined a writing club, I admit that I'm not a good writer. I always get criticized for my work. I don't really liked being criticized. I almost quitted if not for my friend who encouraged me.

When I went to high school, I had completely forgotten about writing. I only write for requirement and not for passion, as I always did before.

So why I'm telling you this? Well, I want to clarify some things up...

Well, the reason why I write is to "exorcise the demon in me." Quite confusing isn't it? Well, I write to satisfy the longings of my heart that I never experienced before...Mainly, out of what I hear and what I feel during that particular moment.

A writer's "personal demons" are the brainchild behind every countless story, essay, poem, manuscript, book or novel.

"A writer is a victim of a curse which for ordinary people the only cure is a bath."
-Bob Ong

Well of course, there are times when I'm required to pass formal themes for English class. And I admit, it's the worst-case scenario I've ever been into...

Well as I have said earlier, I hate being criticized. And formal themes are the most heavily bombarded with criticism or worse, corrections... Of course when I write, I put into consideration my grammar skills as well as the literary sense. That's why I'm disappointed. I tried everything, I set my mind into it and yet, I'm still bad-mouthed and criticized.

Well, of course we hate those who criticize our works but we need them. So if you cannot accept being corrected, then writing is not the profession for you...Many people thought that writers are the most arrogant people but it's the opposite.

Writers are the most heavily affected by rejection and failure compared to other people. The Door-to-door salesmen, when they are being ignored by people, they know that only the product, not them is the problem. But when writers get rejected, they are rejected because of their ability.

Many famous writers suffered great humiliation before their works were accepted. And of course, critics were next in their list of tormentors. But, what's important is you have readers that you can give your inspiration to.

"Write for them, not for the critics."

Labels: Works

/sluggish Marjoured blogged at:
6/01/2006 12:06:00 AM
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