Over-dosage.

Para sa mga taong may MU (Malabong Usapan) Relationship / Saturday, November 04, 2006

She is a 24-year old copywriter.
He is an architect.
They met and became lovers in college.
They broke up last year but remained to be "friends."
They send sweet text messages and he calls her often to make sure she's okay.
They still date.
They still have sex.
They don't see anyone else.
It is obvious that they still love each other but when asked about their situation, she doesn't know the real score.
Even her friends are in the dark.
"Parang sila, pero hindi."

---
She works in a telecom.
He is reviewing for the board.
They are in the same barkada.
They talk on the phone till 4 am.
He gives her chocolates, flowers and CDs even when there is no occasion.
Their friends are suspecting something.
Bakit sila nagsosolo kapag may overnight inuman?
Why does he hold her close on the dance floor?
Bakit sila magkaholding hands lagi?
Sila kaya?
"He hasn't admitted anything," she rants.
"But I let him hug and kiss me.
Parang kami, pero hindi."

---

They work together in an ad agency.
After office, they would watch a movie, have dinner and stroll at Glorietta.
She gave him Harry Potter books for his birthday in exchange for posing as her boyfriend to make an ex jealous.
They made out during the company outing in Subic and never talked about it.
He said "I love you" once but she wasn't sure if she heard him correctly because they were both drunk then.
But one thing she is sure of is her feelings for him.
She likes him.
And she's assuming that with what he's doing to her and with her, he likes her, too.
There's just one hitch: he has a girlfriend!

---

She is a 28-year-old virgin.
He's a 35-year-old bachelor.
Both mountaineers, they became close during their climbs.
After a few dates in posh restaurants, he brings her to his condo where they would make out.
They have been doing this for months.
She wants to believe that "sila na" but then she's not really sure about it.
"We don't talk about it but it doesn't really matter," she'd tell her friends.
"What's important is I am enjoying this-whatever it is."

---

The "parang kayo, pero hindi" stage.
Others call it MU or mutual understanding.
Pseudo-relationships. Pseudo-boyfriends. Flings.
Almost like a relationship, but not quite.

It is a phase where the persons involved are more than friends, but not quite lovers.
Puwedeng may verbal agreement, puwedeng wala.
One or both of you may have admitted your feelings, possible ding hindi.
You just let your gestures do the talking for you.
Walang pormal na ligawan na nangyari.
Hindi kayo mag-dyowa.
Pero sa kilos niyo, sa mga sinasabi niyo, parang kayo, pero hindi.

This kind of "relationship" can happen at different stages for different reasons.
It can happen after a break-up.
You still love each other and you want to be with each other but you broke up for a reason.
And for reasons that you alone know, ayaw niyo na muna magkabalikan.
It can also happen before a relationship, iyong pareho kayong nakikiramdam.
Possible din na ayaw niyo munang mag-seryoso kaya kunwa-kunwarian lang muna.
Testing lang.
Puwede ring hindi puwedeng maging kayo kasi isa sa inyo-usually the guy *may ka relasyon na.
Kaya habang hindi pa siya nakikipag-break doon sa girl (sabi niya makikipag-break siya soon pero di naman niya ginagawa), wala muna kayong relasyon para nga naman hindi siya nangagaliwa kasi "hindi naman kayo."

This pseudo-relationship stage, for a time, can be fun.
Lalo na kung naghahanap ka lang naman ng "kalaro."
Pero huwag ka lang mag-e-expect na may patutunguhan kayo kasi wala talagang kasiguraduhan.
So bakit ang daming nagse-settle sa ganitong set up ganoong hindi naman sigurado kung may patutunguhan? Iba't ibang dahilan.
Puwedeng for fun lang.
Puwedeng "buti na iyan kesa wala" or puwede na iyang"pantawid-gutom."
Meaning, habang wala pa iyong the real thing, doon muna sa kunwa-kunwarian.
For those who are not in a serious relationship, they would think that pseudo-relationship is better than no relationship at all.
It would be fun, if all you are after for is that "kilig" feeling.

Aminado naman ako na once upon a time, may mga pseudo-relationships din ako.
No commitments involved.
For the simplest reason that they couldn't commit, because they were either committed to someone else, or that they weren't ready to commit.
My rationalization, "okay na iyun, kesa wala."
Ang habol ko lang naman, iyong kilig feeling.
Iyong merong nagtatanong kung kumusta araw ko.
Iyong merong kahang-out sa beach outing.
Iyong kapag tumunog ang cellphone, mapapangiti na ako dahil alam kong galing sa kanya ang message.
Iyong merong laging kasama.
Habang wala pa ang the real thing, puwede na itong pagtiyagaan.

But then I learned that although it was only a pseudo-relationship, the emotions were real.
And usually, in this kind of set up, ang babae lagi ang lugi.
Una, you can't ask him to commit.
Since it's not really a relationship, you can't demand commitment from your partner.
Ano ba kayo?
May K ka nga ba magpasundo ng hatinggabi?
You will always be uncertain about your role in his life.
You can't expect him to be always there with you.
And if you feel jealous of the other girls, you just have to keep it to yourself.
Ano ka ba niya para magselos?
Pangalawa, what if you fall deeply in love with him?
You can't be sure if he feels the same way.
Baka nag-a-assume ka lang na mahal ka rin niya.
Even if you are dying to tell him you love him, you can't.
Because you're not sure if he'll like it.
Baka mapahiya ka lang.

This stage will always make you wonder where you are in the relationship.
Or if there is a relationship at all.
Pangatlo, what if you become attached too much?
What if you have invested all your emotions and this man hasn't?
What if you remain faithful to him, not entertaining other guys, only to find out that he is seeing other girls?

Isa pang downside ng pseudo-relationships, it is fleeting.
When a disagreement sets in, or when one of you gets cold, then that would be the end of it.
Unlike in a serious relationship, hindi mo alam kung saan ka lulugar sa isang pseudo-relationship.
Wala kang pinanghahawakan.
Kasi sa pseudo-relationship, there is no "us."
Meron lang "you and me," hindi "us."

Buti sana kung pseudo-pain din lang ang mararanasan mo.
Kaso, hindi eh.
Real pain.
And usually, kahit tapos na ang pseudo-relationship, hindi mo maiwasan umasang one day, may karugtong pa rin iyun.
And you will be miserable, hoping to bring back what you used to have, only to find out eventually that the guy is in another pseudo-relationship with somebody else.

Ang hirap, ano?
You agreed to this kind of set up for fun and then you'd end up hurting yourself in the process.
Pero pwede naman maiwasan ang pain eh.
Puwede naman na hindi mo muna isipin ang future and just enjoy the feeling, without thinking of the consequences.
But if you are certain that you are going to hurt yourself in the process, kailangan mo mamili.
You can be happy and live the moment without worrying what would happen next.
Or you can stop settling with pseudo-relationships and wait for the real thing.

Ang bottom line lang naman, kung magpapasaya sa iyo, gawin mo.
Ihanda mo lang ang sarili mo sa consequence.
Dahil ang "parang kayo pero hindi" stage ay bihirang nagiging totoo.

>>>

Just a thought. Hindi naman ako ang speaker dyan sa post na yan. Galing ito sa isang friend ko sa friendster na nagpasya ikwento sakin ang mga naranasan niya sa pag-ibig.

Labels: Rages of the Heart

/sluggish Marjoured blogged at:
11/04/2006 01:55:00 PM
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Just a Thought. / Thursday, November 02, 2006

To all those who commented on my last post, thank you very much. I really appreciated your kindness for me.

***

Apparently, I am very pissed off with the members of this house, especially my sis and my dad because of their bossiness.

Well, I am still faced with the prospect of doing my HW Helpers, they are a real pain in the ***.

As I type this entry, I try to comprehend my Araling Panlipunan notes. Since I skipped classes for the Quiz Bee training, I can't possibly understand the lesson without my teachers explaining it to me. Especially the new Math lesson they just had before the Semestral Break (Harmonic Progression). It was a good thing Ms. Gem didn't include that one into the last quiz or else, I wouldn't take the quiz at all.

***

I really put a lot of blood, sweat and tears (literally!) into training for the Quiz Bee. Actually, there were a lot of controversies involved with my selection as the Third member of the 3-man team representing our school. Let me count the ways:

1. The other two members of the team were consistent honor students. Me? Oh, I would consider myself a school bum. It's not that I'm not serious with my studies but I guess, I never did really value schoolwork. So it's like I'm just what we filipinos call "saling-pusa".

2. Teachers never really believed in me. I think they based their un-belief in me during my elementary years. But, I was really serious during elementary so why would they not believe in me?

I never realized that I would be the one filling in the void left by one of supposed members (she's a third year honor student). For one thing, it was during those times I feel so helpless because of so many problems (for those who read the last post, that is one of the problems I dealt with) and pile upon pile of projects, quizzes, seatworks, HW Helpers and more. So when the letter of invitation was given to me by my class adviser, saying that it is really for me, I was practically worrying when I came home.

But I resolutely took the challenge.

It was my time. My time.

To shine.

***

Steering our school to the 1st Runner-up finish is no mean feat. We encountered quite a lot of difficulties. But all I can say, I've done everything I can to help them. I am content with that.

Labels: Rages of the Heart

/sluggish Marjoured blogged at:
11/02/2006 05:53:00 PM
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Senti-sentihan. / Monday, October 23, 2006

Kakauwi ko lang galing school. Medyo may hangover parin ako dun sa mga pangyayari kanina. Ewan ko, parang ang sarap-sarap balikan ng mga pangyayari. Hay buhay.

Pagpasok ko ng kwarto, tinawag ako ng tito ko. "May sulat ka," sabi nya. Inabot nya sakin ang tatlong sobre. Yung unang dalawang sobre, credit card bill at insurance bills pala. Pero, nang makita ko yung huling sobre, parang napatalon ako sa gulat...

...

Sulat mula sa isang taong matagal ko nang di nasilayan. Si Debu.

Pinagmasdan ko nang maigi ang sulat. Dali-dali ko binuksan ang sobre at card pala ang laman nun. Binasa ko ang laman ng card. Happy Birthday and take care ang nakalagay dun. Napangiti ako. Wala pa rin siyang pinagbago. Pati handwriting nya, ganun pa rin.

...

Naalala ko bigla ang araw na nagkakilala kami. Ipinakilala kasi sya sakin ni Juan. Nung una ko siyang nakita, mukha naman siyang mabait, sabi ko. Nalalaman ko kasi mula sa mga tao na madalas siyang asarin dahil sa *malalaking butas nya sa ilong*. Pero kahit ganun, ok parin sya sakin. Hindi naman kasi ako tumitingin sa panlabas na anyo ng isang tao...Sa kalooban ako tumitingin. ^_^

Ayun, medyo naging close kami kahit magkaiba kami ng section (sa star section kasi siya). Masarap siyang kasama at makwento pa. Hindi ko na nga mabilang ang mga beses na halos matumba nako sa sahig sa kakatawa *LOL*. Pero, di ko maiwasan na maawa sa kanya kasi lagi nalang sya inaapi ng mga kaklase nya.

Naging magkaklase kami nung second year. Dito ko siya mas nakilala nang mabuti. Tama nga ako sa pagkakakilala ko sa kanya. Magkasama kami palagi sa pang-aasar kay Denise "200" Salazar. Sila talagang dalawa ni Denise ang mortal na magkaaway. Wala silang pinalampas na mga sandali na di nag-aaway. Medyo hirap sya sa academics nya, kaya tinutulungan ko sya kahit sa maliit na paraan lang.

Makalipas ng ilang buwan, nagpasya siyang gumawa ng isang bagong tropa...Isang tropa na namumukod-tangi sa aming section. Ang mga miyembro: Siya, ako, Betz, Ayumi, Michi at Jak. Naging isang masayang tropa, nagsasama-sama sa hirap(?) at ginhawa. Naging simbolo namin ang isang singsing. Tinawag namin ang tropa bilang CIRCLE OF FRIENDS...

Nagsimula kaming magkaroon ng mga "Bonding sessions." Una ay nung birthday nya pagkatapos ng Christmas Party sa glorietta. Siya lahat ang taya. Naalala ko nga eh nung naubos ko agad yung credits sa Timezone card ko kakalaro ng Time Crisis. Hindi ko alam na yun pala ang parang pagpahayag nya na aalis na sya.

Nalaman nalang namin isang araw na aalis na siya patungong Amerika. Nalungkot talaga kami pero ganun talaga ang buhay. May aalis, may babalik. Nung huling araw ng pasukan, talagang nagkaiyakan kaming lahat. Hindi talaga namin gusto siyang umalis.

Nagdaos siya ng isang despedida sa Island Cove. Bukod sa buong tropa, kasam rin namin si Jara, isa naming kaklase. Nagsaya kami doon kakakanta ng kung ano-ano. Naalala ko pa nga nang kinanta ni Debu ang "The Prayer"....

...

"Let us be our pray'r..."

Yun ang kantang nagpabalik sakin sa realidad. Umihip nang malakas ang hangin. Napangiti ako. Wala parin siyang pinagbago.

Labels: Rages of the Heart

/sluggish Marjoured blogged at:
10/23/2006 07:40:00 PM
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Misery. / Wednesday, October 18, 2006

Hindi ko alam kung bakit kakatapos ko lang mag-celebrate ng birthday ko ay bigla nalang dumami ang masakit sakin. Una sa listahan ang aking ulo. Kapag nag-iisip kasi ako nang sobra na sa kaya ng maliit kong utak, sumasakit talaga nang husto! Lalo na kapag Fhisics at Mafthemafhics. Nararamdaman ko ang pagpintig nito sa tuwing sinusubukan kong magsolve ng mga equations sa Math. Kanina lang kamo yun.

Sinubukan kong uminom ng pain relievers para mawala yung sakit. Nawala nga nang konti pero, likod ko naman ang sumakit. Hay naku. Iinom pa sana ako ulit pero baka ma-overdose nako nyan. Misery.

Ewan ko ba. Habang tinatype ko itong entry na ito, nakasandal ako sa isang unan sa may computer chair ko para maibsan kahit papaano ang sakit sa likod ko. May baso ng tubig at limang tableta ng iba't ibang pain relievers sa harapan ko. Iinumin ko daw ito 'pag hindi ko na talaga matagalan ang sakit. Ok pa naman ako so far. Misery.

Hindi pa dun nagtatapos ang aking 'sakit'. Sakit naman sa puso ang pinoproblema ko. Hindi yung literal na sakit sa puso. Hay... oo na, suko nako. Lovelife yun.

Inaamin ko, ni minsan ay hindi pa ako nakaranas ng matinong lovelife. Puro mga crushes lang. Minsan, nakaranas na rin ako ng nagmahal ako pero hindi bumalik sakin ang pagmamahal. Itinigil ko na ang aking kahibangan at gumising nako sa katotohanan. Pero, sa isang bawal na pag-ibig kong maranasan na kung papaano magmahal nang totoo at walang pag-aalinglangan. At yun ang nagbibigay ng kakaibang kirot sa puso ko.

"Misery loves company."

Labels: Rages of the Heart

/sluggish Marjoured blogged at:
10/18/2006 08:02:00 PM
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Nilalangaw na. / Thursday, October 12, 2006

Hehe...Nakabalik na rin sa wakas! Pasensya na at ang tagal-tagal ko nang di nag-uupdate. Nagloloko kasi yung kuryente namin dahil na rin kay Milenyo. Tapos nung akala namin ayos na yung kuryente namin, ayun, pumutok! Nagmistulang fireworks display sa MoA yung kalangitan sa dami ng sparks. ^_^

Pero, balik ulit sa dating gawi.

Nagdaan ang mga araw na 'singbilis ng kidlat. Pano naman kasi, kakatapos lang ng QT exams namin last wednesday lang. Dang hirap talaga ng Math! Kakaasar kasi talagang nag-aral ako dun tapos di rin pala uubra yung pinag-aralan ko. Hindi ko nga nasagutan yung problem solving part ng exam. T_T Nahulog pa yung test na yun sa aking special *wink* day. ANG BIRTHDAY KO!!! Hay..Kakaasar talaga!

Masaya ako kasi ang daming bumati sa akin. Pati rin mga lower levels binati rin ako! ^_^ Talagang HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! *winks* -_^

P.S. Sinabi sakin ni Sir Romy yung score ko sa Physics exam. Shucks, bagsak nanaman ako!!! 41/85, kakaasar talaga!!! T_T

Labels: Rages of the Heart, School blues

/sluggish Marjoured blogged at:
10/12/2006 10:09:00 AM
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Masakit. / Friday, September 08, 2006

Masakit.

Yun ang pamagat ng post kong ito.

Oo. May major hangover parin ako sa Field Trip namin. Hindi ako masyadong nakapagpahinga kahapon. Kaya paggising ko, masakit na masakit ang mga hita ko.

Namasahe lang ako papuntang school dahil kailangan kong makahabol sa worship. Yun palang kasi yung first time kong pupunta ng maaga para dun. Gusto ko na talagang makabawi sa mga namiss kong worship services. Pero, dahil nga masakit ang mga hita ko, ang lakad ko, parang lakad ng may rayuma. Pag-akyat ko sa overpass, nararamdaman ko talaga yung sakit at mas lalo na nung pagbaba ko. Parang pinipindot ng isanglibong karayom ang mga muscles ko sa hita.

Nung pagdating ko sa Kostal, talagang di ko na kakayaning maglakad pa. Patawid na dapat ako nang biglang nakita ko si...Sir Ecko. Talagang hinabol ko sya habang patawid na sya pero mabagal ang kilos ko dahil nga sa sakit. Buti nalang, hinintay nya ako. Tapos, sumabay kami sa kotse nina Jove papuntang school. Pagdating ko, dumiretso ako papuntang klasrum. Doon ako nagdusa sa akyat-baba sa stairs. Grabe talaga ang sakit. Nung nagworship ako kanina, masaya talaga ako kasi sa wakas, nakarating na ako doon. Pero, talagang hindi ako tinigilan ng sakit.

Sa pagdaan ng oras sa paaralan, lalong sumakit ang mga hita ko. Parang di ko na talaga kakyanin ang sakit. Buti nalang, sobrang ok ang araw na ito.

Ayan, lagi ko nalang binabanggit ang salitang sakit...Kaya nga yun ang title eh!

Labels: Rages of the Heart

/sluggish Marjoured blogged at:
9/08/2006 08:03:00 PM
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Sa Wakas!! Yahoo... / Saturday, September 02, 2006

After ten years, Wi-fi nako! Matagal ko na kasing kinukulit yung tatay ko na mag-Wi-fi na kami kasi sobrang mahal na talaga ng bill namin sa telepono. Grabe, after 3 months, nakuha ko na gusto ko...Kaya makakapag-update nako palagi. Kwento nalang kaya ako ng mga happenings ngayon...

Thursday-Bigayan na ng card. Grabe, pagkakita ko sa grades ko, ang sarap itanong sa sarili ko, "Saang lupalop kaya ako galing at parang nagtaka pa ako sa kinalabasan ng grades ko???" Parang umaasa naman ako na matataas yung mga yun no? Well, ok naman, wala paring line of 7 at wala paring PTC (although alam ko next quarter meron na, sa Physics.) pero sa tingin ko, parang sinaniban ako ng ispirito ng katamaran kaya nagkaganon grades ko. Well, marami pa namang factors, isa na dun ang...*SECRET!* Well, naiinis ako kasi mas mataas ang Physics ko kaysa sa math. Hay.

Friday-Ok naman. Nung homeroom, naglaro kami ng isang laro na kailangan talaga ng teamwork at strategy para manalo. Ano nga pala tawag dun? Ah, Rapids pala. Sa isang group na may 10 members, magkakapit-kapit kayo at bubuo ng wave para patawirin ang mga sapatos namin sa kabilang side. Nung first trial, nanalo kami (iniitsa nga namin yung mga sapatos eh!) pero nung seryoso na ang game, 3rd nalang kami. Ok lang, kasi malinis na yung laro namin sa pangalawa. Well, nakuha ko na ang mga resulta ng aking Mock Interview. Pang #25 ako out of 86. Hindi talaga ako makapaniwala, parang isang himala ang nangyaring yun. Siguro nga, mabait talaga sakin yung nag-interview kaya pinasa ako. Hmmm. Nakuha ko na rin test permit ko sa Ateneo. Well, wala akong makakasama kasi magkakaiba talaga kami ng test venues. Mabuti yan para walang cheating. Hehe.

Hindi ata ako makakasama sa YFC Sports Fest sa Tagaytay...Marami kasi akong kailangang tapusin at poproblemahin..Baka naman kasi pag pumunta ako dun, parang wala rin ako dun kakaisip sa mga yun. Sorry talaga LORD GOD... T_T Babawi po ako! Hindi po kasi ako makakapagserve nang maayos kung problemado ako..Sa tulong nyo, maayos ko rin ito..Salamat!

Labels: Rages of the Heart, School blues

/sluggish Marjoured blogged at:
9/02/2006 05:41:00 PM
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Napagod at Nasiyahan / Sunday, August 27, 2006

WHAT: YFC Mega Camp
WHERE:BPS-Silang, Cavite
WHEN: Aug. 25-27, 2006

Hay...Sa wakas at nakauwi nako sa bahay! Galing kasi ako sa YFC Mega Camp sa BPS Silang. Sobrang saya talaga ng pakiramdam lalo na pag natupad mo na ang pinakamimithi mo sa pagiging YFC-ang maging parte ng YOUTH Camp Service team. Kwento ko lang yung mga pangyayari before and after mag-camp.

Friday-Pagkagaling ko sa school, nag-online muna ako. Tapos, umalis nako sa bahay ng mga 3:30 ng hapon. Sumakay ako ng dyip, kaya lang...ang nasakyan ko pala, hindi dadaan sa Walter Mart Dasma. Kaya sumakay ako ulit ng dyip pero hindi pala dadaan sa tapat ng Walter Mart. Naglakad pa tuloy ako hanggang sa entrance at buti nalang, nandoon pa sila. Sumakay kami sa mga dyip na dinala kami sa BPS. Nakapunta nako dun kaya ayos lang.

Pagkalagay namin ng gamit, nagpunta kami sa isang bakanteng lote para mag-worship. Pagkatapos nun, pumunta kami ng session hall para makinig ng Talk 1 pero bago nun, naglaro kami ng bahay, baboy, bagyo. Pero eto ang masaklap. Kumain na kami ng dinner ng mga 10 na ng gabi. Biro mo, gutom na gutom ka na talaga tapos, malilipasan ka rin. Pero since service team ako, hindi ako nakakain agad. Pagkatapos kumain, binigay na ang mga room assignments. Hindi ko nga expected na may kwarto pa ako eh. Kasama ko sa kwarto sina Jannylin, Eds na taga Dasmarinas National High School, si Kat mula sa Tagaytay Science National High School, at si Anna, na ka-schoolmate ko, at kapatid ng bestfriend ko.

Tapos, meeting na ng service team. Nasita kami kasi hindi pa ganap yung nagawa naming serbisyo sa camp. Sinabi sa amin na kailangang magpursigi pa kami sa pagseserve sa camp kasi sabi nga nila, "Dati, nung kayo ang participants, kayo ang pinagsisilbihan, ngayon, kayo naman ang magsisilbi sa mga participants."

Tapos, hindi pa ako agad natulog. Nag-usap pa kami ni Kat hanggang ala-una ng madaling araw. Tapos, natulog na ako.

Saturday-Nagising ako ng sobrang aga. 3:00 AM. Grabe, nalaman ko lang na wala pang gising nung mga oras na yun kaya natulog ako ulit ng saglit. Nagising ako ng mga 3:45 ng umaga. Dahil nga sa ingay na nagawa ko, nagising na rin si Kat saka si Anna. Naligo na ako saka nagbihis. Mga 6:00 ng umaga, nagpunta kaming Service Team sa session hall para mag-morning worship. Marami na samin ang nakaligo na pero marami ring di pa nakaligo lalo na sa mga lalake. Tapos, sinabi na kung sino ang mga facilitators. Kasama ako ni Kat sa pagiging faci. Grabe ang saya na naramdaman ko nun. Sa wakas, natupad ko na yung pangarap ko. Pinangako ko sa sarili ko na tutuparin ko ang tungkulin ko ng mabuti. Tapos, pumunta na kami sa dining room para tumulong sa paghahanda ng pagkain.

Nagsimula na yung Talk Two. Wala nanaman ako ulit dun kasi nag-prayer warrior ako kasama ni Jove at ni Neil V. Pagkatapos, nagmeeting ang lahat ng facilitators para sa group discussion at one-to-one sessions. Tapos, bumalik ako sa session hall. Tapos na yung Talk Two. Tapos, nagsimula yung group discussions. Marami kaming na-share na experiences sa discussion namin. Tapos, nagsimula yung Talk Three. Habang nangyayari yung talk, parang nakaramdam ako ng kakaibang lungkot. Ewan, parang nalungkot ako na parang may namatay samin. Tapos, nung tinugtog yung I Give My All na kanta, naiyak nalang ako sa isang sulok. Biglang tinanong ako ni Dyanne kung ok lang ako. Tapos, biglang umiyak nalang ako ng malakas. Nagulat nga sila na nangyari eh. Akala ni Kimchi na kasalanan nya yung nangyari. May bigla akong naalala dun sa kanta na hindi ko maintindihan. Kung tutuusin, lagi ko namang kinakanta yun pero, wala namang nangyaring ganun sakin. Ngayon lang talaga yun nangyari. Tapos, unting-unti ako kumalma. Nagpunta ako sa dining room na namumugto ang mga mata. Pagkatapos kumain ng mga participants, kumain na rin ako mag-isa. Pagkatapo kumain, pumunta ako sa kwarto para makipag-uasp kay Kat tungkol sa plano sa one-to-one sessions. Tapos, nung nagawa na namin yung plano, pinababa namin yung mga "alaga" namin sa lobby para maghintay ng turn nila.

Nung natapos yung session, pumunta kami ulit sa session hall para magmiryenda ng mais. Tapos, nagpractice kami para sa E-Nyt. Band workshop ang sinalihan ko. Yung mga kagrupo ko, taga Dasmarinas National High School lahat. Ako lang ang taga-Seton kaya na-OP ako dun pero ayos lang, kasi mabait silang lahat. Nakasundo ko sila agad. Pagkatapos ng practice, tinawag kami para mag-worship ulit habang nagaganap yung talk four. Nung nagworship kami nun, nakaramdam ako ng pagsisisi kasi sa mga bagay na pinabayaan ko para lang gawin ang gusto ko, at yung YFC ay kasama sa mga pinabayaan ko.

Pagkatapos ng worship, nagprepare kami para sa prayover session. Kinabahan talaga ako nun pero ok naman ang naging takbo ng session dahil kay GOD. Pagkatapos, nakaramdam ako ng kakaibang feeling ng contentment. Na parang wala na akong mahihiling pa. Pagkatapos nun, kumain na kami ng hapunan at pagkatapos ay dumiretso kami sa session hall para sa artificial bonfire namin.

Pagkatapos ay E-Nyt na. Grabe, nakakatuwa yung mga performances naming lahat..Lalo na yung Gag workshop. Yung tungkol sa sabon.

Tapos nun, nagmeeting uli ang service team at napuri kami sa mga nagawa namin...Hay salamat!

Tapos, natulog na ako ulit. Pero medyo maaga. Mga 12:05 AM.

Sunday-Tinanghali ako ng gising. Mas maaga ang call time ng mga Service Team pag umaga. Nagisiing ako ng 5:55 AM. Nagulat ako nung nalaman ko yung oras. Eh, gusto ko na sanang maligo kaya lang, marami nang tao sa banyo kaya pumunta ako sa session hall na naka pantulog lang. First time yun nangyari sakin sa camp pero ok lang pala yun. Pagkatapos ng morning worship, nagpunta ako sa banyo para maligo agad kasi nakatoka akong tagahugas ng pinggan. Pagkapaligo ko, binaba ko yung mga gamit ko tapos pumunta nako sa dining room para tumulong sa service team doon. Kumain na ako agad ng agahan para makahugas na ako agad. Pagkakain, hugas na ng mga pinggan. Ang sarap palang maghugas.

Bumalik ako ng session hall para sa talk 5. Pero hidi ko narinig lahat kasi may ginagawa akong importante nun. Nagtatraffic aide kami ni Benedict nun. Grabe, ang hirap ng trabaho namin. Nagkwentuhan kami at nabanggit nya na natutukso syang bumili ng sigarilyo pero nalabanan nya ang tukso. hanga talaga ako sa kanya.

...SECRET!...

Bumalik ako sa BPS para sa closing worship. Pagkatapos, kumain ako ng Goto at pagkakain, umuwi na ako.

...

Marami akong natutunan sa tatlong araw na pamamalagi ko sa BPS. Pero ito ang tumatak sa isip ko, "Sa paglilingkod natin, isipin natin na hindi yun para sa ating sarili, para yun sa DIYOS."

Labels: Archives of my Life, Rages of the Heart, Tripping

/sluggish Marjoured blogged at:
8/27/2006 01:46:00 PM
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Hay...KAMPISE Fever at ang Nakakapagtaka... / Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Hay...Tapos na ang KAMPISE pero hindi ko parin makalimutan ang saya ng itiniuturing kong huling KAMPISE. In fairness, kinareer ko ang costume ko ngayon, parang hahabol ako sa kasal sa sobrang bongga ng suot ko! Naging finalist pa ako ng Best Costume sa 4th Year pero sayang, di nanalo. Pero ok lang yun, kasi naramdaman ko ang saya na hindi ko pa naramdaman mula nang ginawa yang KAMPISE sa school. Grade Four pa ako nun. Sayang kasi hindi ko man lang nakunan ang sarili ko na suot ang costume na yun. Hay. Yung iba kasi, todo-papicture na parang matatanggal na ang mukha kinabukasan. Hahaha.

...

Minsan, kapag matagal na kayong magkaibigan ng isang tao, lalo na kapag "opposite sex," may posibilidad na madevelop sila sa isa't isa. Oo. Marami akong kilalang ganyan ang naging istorya. Pero ito ang nagiging problema. Kadalasan ay naguguluhan ang taong nasabihan ng pag-ibig. Mas talamak ito sa kaso ng mga babae at ito ang kadalasang nagiging sanhi ng sawing pag-ibig. Hay. Pero marami paring umaasa. Marami pa ring naghihintay sa wala.

...

Nakakahinayang ang isang pagkakaibigang nasira. May posibilidad kasing hindi na ito mabalik. Pero ano nga ba ang kadalasang dahilan? Oo, alam nating may mga bagay na hindi nating gusto sa isang tao na nais na nating mabago sa kanila. Oo, pagod na nga ang magkabilang panig. Pero hanggang kailan?

...

Iiwanan ko kayo ng isang kanta mula sa APO na nirevive ng Spongecola. Nakakapagtaka.

Nakapagtataka
by Apo Hiking Society
Revived by: Spongecola

Walang tigil ang gulo sa aking
pag-iisip
Mula nang tayo'y nagpasyang
maghiwalay
Nagpaalam pagkat hindi tayo bagay
Nakapagtataka, oh.

Kung bakit ganito ang a-king
kapalaran
Di ba't ilang ulit ka nang
nagpaalam
At bawat paalam ay puno ng iyakan
Nakapagtataka, nakapagtataka

Chorus:
Hindi ka ba napapagod,
o di kaya'y nagsasawa
Sa ating mga tampuhang
walang hanggang katapusan
Napahid na ang mga luha,
damdamin at puso'y tigang
Wala nang maibubuga,
wala na 'kong maramdaman.

Bridge:
Kung tunay tayong
nagmamahalan
Ba't di tayo magkasunduan
Oh, oh.
Walang tigil ang ulan
at nasaan ka, araw
Napano na'ng pag-ibig sa isa't
isa
Wala na bang nananatiling pag-asa
Nakapagtataka, saan ka napunta?

Hindi ka ba napapagod,
o di kaya'y nagsasawa
Sa ating mga tampuhang
walang hanggang katapusan
Napahid na ang mga luha,
damdamin at puso'y tigang
Wala nang maibubuga,
wala na 'kong maramdaman.oohh

Napahid na ang mga luha,
damdamin at puso'y tigang
Wala nang maibubuga,
wala na 'kong maramdaman.
Kung tunay tayong
nagmamahalan
Ba't di tayo magkasunduan
Oh, oh.

Hanggang dito nalang.

Labels: Rages of the Heart, School blues

/sluggish Marjoured blogged at:
8/22/2006 05:06:00 PM
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Hmmm...Ganyan Talaga... / Friday, August 18, 2006

So ganun talaga ang buhay.

Hmmm.

Medyo ok naman ang takbo ng araw ngayon. Hindi naman kagandahan, hindi rin kapangitan. Basta, ok ang araw ko ngayon at yun na yun.

Gumawa kami ng mga banderitas sa school. Parte kasi yun ng celebration ng Linggo ng Wika. In fairness, ang bilis namin gumawa. Saka pulido pa ang paggawa. Medyo hindi ko makakaila na medyo may mali rin pero ok lng. Saka, binigay yung quiz sa Physics kanina. Kamote talaga ako dun. Biro nyo, 0 o itlog ang nakuha ko. Pero nagulat ako kasi hindi man lang ako nag-react ng violent sa score ko. Baka kasi sanay na ako na makakita ng mababang grade lalo na sa Physics.

Hay.

Elimination kanina ng mga kasali sa Maluwag na Talumpati. lahat, kanya-kanyang opinyon at saloobin. Pero may speech ako na natuwa ako kasi kahit nakakatawa sya, may 'sense' pa rin ang mga sinasabi nya. Si Kimchi yun.

Nanood din kami ng High School Musical kanina. In fairness, yun ang first time ko. Ang gwapo talaga ni Troy Bolton! Ang galing din ni Gabriella! Sana mapanood ko na ng buo kasi puro Fast Forward. Palibhasa, napanood na nila. Figures.

Nung club, naglaro lang kami ng Mafia. Grabe, ang saya namin eh...Saka nakakatawa kasi yung mafia namin, gustong patayin sarili nya. Kaya hindi agad natapos yung laro.

Hey, may TRO pala ako sa pag-iinternet. So, byebye na!

Labels: Rages of the Heart, School blues

/sluggish Marjoured blogged at:
8/18/2006 08:27:00 PM
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Endless, a Silent Whisper / Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Hmmm...Natapos nanaman ang isang araw. Mukhang ok naman ang araw na ito..Kasi maraming nangyari na masaya...Una kasi, hindi ako nakapag balik-aral sa AP. Tapos, nung Physics, nakakatawa talaga yung kwento sa amin ni Sir Romy! Grabe, as in tawa ako to the max! Nakalimutan ko na yung tungkol sa bagsak kong quiz kanina... Pero ok lang yun! Babawi nalang ako next time! ^_^

Iiwanan ko kayo ng isang kanta mula sa Urbandub. Endless, a Silent Whisper.

Endless, A Silent Whisper
Artist: Urbandub
Album: Embrace

The night belongs to us
We're caught in a world of our own
We cling to the hope it would change for us
Is it vain? Is it too late?
Why did it have to be you than I?
I heard the news today

[Chorus]
Is this the beginning of our last chance?
Once around the floor, can we do it again
I feel the thrill from words we say
I love you

Embrace so much tighter
This could be our last together
Heaven sheds tears for the wounded hearts
Our forever has been torn apart

Our vast religions
Won't help us answer
What was pre-destined for us to have
Since long ago
It's hopeless

The world it turns with us
Hold me in closer, don't let go of me
Now we close our eyes and let go to the night
The night we feel alive

(Repeat Chorus)

Paalam sa inyong lahat!

Labels: Rages of the Heart, School blues

/sluggish Marjoured blogged at:
8/16/2006 08:35:00 PM
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Disturbing Signs / Friday, August 04, 2006

Last night, I dreamed that I was slowly losing blood. I saw the tube with my blood flowing freely on it. I was about to close my eyes in that dream when suddenly, my sister woke me up. I woke up and sat with a start.

I told a lot of people about my dream. They told me that it is somewhat morbid. I began to feel nervous. Maybe the dream wants to tell me something. When i got home, I searched the net for the meaning. And here it is:

Meaning of Dreams about Blood

Blood Dream Meaning Psychological meaning: Blood is a symbol of life. If you dream of losing blood then you may be suffering from exhaustion or feel emotionally drained by a situation. Blood can also symbolise passion, especially love, anger or even violence. Women sometimes dream of blood at the start of their menstruation.

Blood Dream Meaning Mystical meaning: In many ancient rituals the participants would drink the blood of the sacrificial animal. This represented sharing in the power and strength of the gods. Similarly, to dream of drinking blood may be a grizzly symbol for receiving new vitality.

Hidden Meaning of Dreams by author Craig Hamilton-Parker. Dream interpretation for Blood Dream Meaning Symbol is Copyright

I agree with the psychological meaning. I really feel drained because of what's happening with me. I had to balance school with my other priorities. And I had to think about my endless problems which don't seem to leave me. I guess I have to relax a little bit. As with the mystical meaning, I sort of agree with it too. I really feel quite energetic this day and it was totally different for me.

Well, I guess there will be more weirder dreams coming soon...

Labels: Out of the Blue, Rages of the Heart

/sluggish Marjoured blogged at:
8/04/2006 12:56:00 PM
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Recovered. / Wednesday, August 02, 2006

Finally! I recovered from the Wordpress frame-up! Wahahaha...I had this terrible brush with Wordpress and it deliberately wiped away my template! Hehe, It took me five seconds for me to realize that I'm dead beat. Anyway, I was surfing the net and I found this wonderful layout with a FLASH header. It was so cute, I had to get it. And finally, I'm back again. I am sorry for the inconvenience that this small incident caused. Put me back to your links list please! =)

I am currently having my Quarterly exams. We had Filipino, Araling Panlipunan, and Computer for this day. I had a breeze with the first two subjects. But when I had the Computer test, it was a TOTAL DISASTER!!! I forgot some of the items! And I forgot to put the finishing touches for my Pseudocode! Well anyway, I don't expect a passing grade in that subject though. I'll just do better in English and Math tomorrow. T_T

This coming Sunday, I will be taking my UPCAT. And I got the early schedule, 6:30 AM, College of Architecture building. I am so excited and nervous. I hope that I'll be able to pass the exam. \m/

Wish me luck! ^_^

Labels: Out of the Blue, Rages of the Heart, School blues

/sluggish Marjoured blogged at:
8/02/2006 07:32:00 PM
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Recovering From A Losing Slump / Tuesday, July 18, 2006

I am currently recovering from a lot of losing slumps...

Anyway, I am so happy that a lot of people have stumbled across my blog. It's really grat to have lots of traffic, and it's quite fulfilling. My tagboard's full of people wanting to exchange links with me and people who answered my Link Exchange call.

Back to losing slumps...

As I mentioned in one of my older posts, I am recovering from a losing slump in Physics...I always fail my homework, and I feel so bad about it. But when I passed a really difficult quiz (20/30), I was so thrilled! And quizzes make up 30% of our components! (HW only makes up 5% of the components) so that's a cool recovery. My teacher, Sir Romy, said that we need to work hard to get a grade of 79 in the card...Whoa...(I failed the 2nd quiz!)

I am also recovering from an emotional crisis...I won't reveal some of the details but, I can tell you for sure, it is one of my darkest days of my high school life...waaa...At least it's over.

Hehe, of course, I am also recovering from a blog crisis...I don't get as much traffic as other blogs...That's why I devised ways...I blog hop frequently and and I exchange links with other bloggers...And that's why i am able to recover from this blog slump...

Ok, that's all.

Labels: Rages of the Heart, School blues

/sluggish Marjoured blogged at:
7/18/2006 11:17:00 PM
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Paper Hearts Bleeding Like Crazy... / Thursday, July 13, 2006

Why do hearts have to bleed? To give your heart to someone you love is like giving yourself to him/her as a whole. To give but not expecting something in return is something so hard. Yes, you love the person but what if she/he never loved you back? Who's stupid now? She/He or you?

Or...

We are stupid to fall in love with someone who can't see our worth?

----

In love, we always worry, we always cry.
You give everything to him/her 'coz he/she is your everything.
But you get nothing.

----

Everytime someone leaves, someone takes his/her place.
What if you love someone and suddenly, he/she leaves you?
Someone comes to fill the void left by that someone.

Until that someone returns.

Who would you choose,
The one who made the void
Or the one
Who filled the void?

Sigh.

Labels: Rages of the Heart

/sluggish Marjoured blogged at:
7/13/2006 04:28:00 PM
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Para sa mga taong may MU (Malabong Usapan) Relationship / Monday, June 26, 2006

She is a 24-year old copywriter.
He is an architect.
They met and became lovers in college.
They broke up last year but remained to be "friends."
They send sweet text messages and he calls her often to make sure she's okay.
They still date.
They still have sex.
They don't see anyone else.
It is obvious that they still love each other but when asked about their situation, she doesn't know the real score.
Even her friends are in the dark.
"Parang sila, pero hindi."

---

She works in a telecom.
He is reviewing for the board.
They are in the same barkada.
They talk on the phone till 4 am.
He gives her chocolates, flowers and CDs even when there is no occasion.
Their friends are suspecting something.
Bakit sila nagsosolo kapag may overnight inuman?
Why does he hold her close on the dance floor?
Bakit sila magkaholding hands lagi?
Sila kaya?
"He hasn't admitted anything," she rants.
"But I let him hug and kiss me.
Parang kami, pero hindi."

---

They work together in an ad agency.
After office, they would watch movie, have dinner and stroll at Glorietta.
She gave him Harry Potter books for his birthday in exchange for posing as her boyfriend to make an ex jealous.
They made out during the company outing in Subic and never talked about it.
He said "I love you" once but she wasn't sure if she heard him correctly because they were both drunk then.
But one thing she is sure of is her feelings for him.
She likes him.
And she's assuming that with what he's doing to her and with her, he likes her, too.
There's just one hitch: he has a girlfriend!

---

She is a 28-year-old virgin.
He's a 35-year-old bachelor.
Both mountaineers, they became close during their climbs.
After a few dates in posh restaurants, he brings her to his condo where they would make out.
They have been doing this for months.
She wants to believe that "sila na" but then she's not really sure about it.
"We don't talk about it but it doesn't really matter," she'd tell her friends.
"What's important is I am enjoying this-whatever it is."

---

The "parang kayo, pero hindi" stage.
Others call it MU or mutual understanding.
Pseudo-relationships.
Pseudo-boyfriends.
Flings.
Almost like a relationship, but not quite.
It is a phase where the persons involved are more than friends, but not quite lovers.
Puwedeng may verbal agreement, puwedeng wala.
One or both of you may have admitted your feelings, possible ding hindi.
You just let your gestures do the talking for you.
Walang pormal na ligawan na nangyari.
Hindi kayo mag-dyowa.
Pero sa kilos niyo, sa mga sinasabi niyo, parang kayo, pero hindi.
This kind of "relationship" can happen at different stages for different reasons.
It can happen after a break-up.
You still love each other and you want to be with each other but you broke up for a reason.
And for reasons that you alone know, ayaw niyo na muna magkabalikan.
It can also happen before a relationship, iyong pareho kayong nakikiramdam.
Possible din na ayaw niyo munang mag-seryoso kaya kunwa-kunwarian lang muna.
Testing lang.
Puwede ring hindi puwedeng maging kayo kasi isa sa inyo-usually the guy *may ka relasyon na.
Kaya habang hindi pa siya nakikipag-break doon sa girl (sabi niya makikipag-break siya soon pero di naman niya ginagawa), wala muna kayong relasyon para nga naman hindi siya nangagaliwa kasi "hindi naman kayo."

This pseudo-relationship stage, for a time, can be fun.
Lalo na kung naghahanap ka lang naman ng "kalaro."
Pero huwag ka lang mag-e-expect na may patutunguhan kayo kasi wala talagang kasiguraduhan.So bakit ang daming nagse-settle sa ganitong set up ganoong hindi naman sigurado kung may patutunguhan?
Iba't ibang dahilan.
Puwedeng for fun lang. Puwedeng "buti na iyan kesa wala" or puwede na iyang
"pantawid-gutom."
Meaning, habang wala pa iyong the real thing, doon muna sa kunwa-kunwarian.
For those who are not in a serious relationship, they would think that pseudo-relationship is better than no relationship at all.
It would be fun, if all you are after for is that "kilig" feeling.
Aminado naman ako na once upon a time, may mga pseudo-relationships din ako.
No commitments involved.
For the simplest reason that they couldn't commit, because they were either committed to someone else, or that they weren't ready to commit.
My rationalization, "okay na iyun, kesa wala."
Ang habol ko lang naman, iyong kilig feeling.
Iyong merong nagtatanong kung kumusta araw ko.
Iyong merong kahang-out sa beach outing.
Iyong kapag tumunog ang cellphone, mapapangiti na ako dahil alam kong galing sa kanya ang message.
Iyong merong laging kasama.
Habang wala pa ang the real thing, puwede na itong pagtiyagaan.
But then I learned that although it was only a pseudo-relationship, the emotions were real.
And usually, in this kind of set up, ang babae lagi ang lugi.
Una, you can't ask him to commit.
Since it's not really a relationship, you can't demand commitment from your partner.
Ano ba kayo?
May K ka nga ba magpasundo ng hatinggabi?
You will always be uncertain about your role in his life.
You can't expect him to be always there with you.
And if you feel jealous of the other girls, you just have to keep it to yourself.
Ano ka ba niya para magselos?
Pangalawa, what if you fall deeply in love with him?
You can't be sure if he feels the same way.
Baka nag-a-assume ka lang na mahal ka rin niya.
Even if you are dying to tell him you love him, you can't.
Because you're not sure if he'll like it.
Baka mapahiya ka lang.
This stage will always make you wonder where you are in the relationship.
Or if there is a relationship at all.
Pangatlo, what if you become attached too much?
What if you have invested all your emotions and this man hasn't?
What if you remain faithful to him, not entertaining other guys, only to find out that he is seeing other girls?
Isa pang downside ng pseudo-relationships, it is fleeting.
When a disagreement sets in, or when one of you gets cold, then that would be the end of it.
Unlike in a serious relationship, hindi mo alam kung saan ka lulugar sa isang pseudo-relationship.
Wala kang pinanghahawakan.
Kasi sa pseudo-relationship, there is no "us."
Meron lang "you and me," hindi "us."
Buti sana kung pseudo-pain din lang ang mararanasan mo.
Kaso, hindi eh.
Real pain.
And usually, kahit tapos na ang pseudo-relationship, hindi mo maiwasan umasang one day, may karugtong pa rin iyun.
And you will be miserable, hoping to bring back what you used to have, only to find out eventually that the guy is in another pseudo-relationship with somebody else.
Ang hirap, ano?
You agreed to this kind of set up for fun and then you'd end up hurting yourself in the process.
Pero pwede naman maiwasan ang pain eh.
Puwede naman na hindi mo muna isipin ang future and just enjoy the feeling, without thinking of the consequences.
But if you are certain that you are going to hurt yourself in the process, kailangan mo mamili.
You can be happy and live the moment without worrying what would happen next.
Or you can stop settling with pseudo-relationships and wait for the real thing.

Ang bottom line lang naman, kung magpapasaya sa iyo, gawin mo.
Ihanda mo lang ang sarili mo sa consequence.
Dahil ang "parang kayo pero hindi" stage ay bihirang nagiging totoo.

Labels: Rages of the Heart

/sluggish Marjoured blogged at:
6/26/2006 06:39:00 AM
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A Couple of Days More...School!!! / Wednesday, June 07, 2006

Well, sorry if I only posted today...Well, I wasn't in the mood to post...Well, I'm working on my first (and last!) layout...It's kinda crude...Watched 13 episodes of Digimon O2 in my spare time...I found this certain music site..I decided to take my cue from there...Well, I want to put my personal touch on my blog by having my own layout...Anyway, I'm halfway done with the novel, I won't post it all since it spans about 5 pages per chapter...Only the summary will be posted...And Lulu is having her little share of the Limelight...She's done wonderful skins for blogskins and I'm happy to say, a lot of people liked them...WOOHOO!!!*chuckles*

Well, school's just around the corner, I presume it would be a fun-filled school year and at the same time, a bit short 'coz just 10 months more and I'll be leaving my precious alma mater that had been my home for almost 9 years *sniffles*. Well, I think I'm getting old already...I guess...

Well, this post is finished for today...Bye!

Labels: Rages of the Heart

/sluggish Marjoured blogged at:
6/07/2006 09:43:00 PM
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I Am Currently Facing The Worst Month Of My Life / Sunday, June 04, 2006

Hmm..Based from the events that happened and the events that are about to happen, I can say after this last week before the aformentioned school year, I will be facing the worst month of June ever! And it's not even the beginning! (for details, refer to my current mood.)

Well basically, I am looking forward to my last 10 months of my high school life...All I can say is...Carryover the past hurts, lies, and heartaches that I have experienced during my Third Year...Well, I'm not saying that I'm not too optimistic about my forthcoming fourth year life...It's just...It's just...

I can say that I have come to the point where I will choose my future and the path that I should take...And what people say makes it all the more confusing...I know, I couldn't reach out to the other bloggers...Well, I know it will take some time before this blog gets noticed...I want to make sure that everyone who stumbles upon this site will benefit from what I'm saying...Hmmm...

I would be very busy this coming schoolyear...Maybe it's time to get serious and focus more and more on my priorities...My life was a mess during Third Year...I just know it...

But I want to thank all who have been a part of my life during my first 3 years of High School...You've done a wonderful job of reshaping,molding and wrecking my wretched life...All I want to say is that if not for all of you, my life would have been a total mess.

P.S. I am currently working on my first novel...The title is Tears of Ice and Snow...Basically, I want to teach the potential readers of my story the importance of friendship, how true love can wait, that jealousy is the root of all broken relationships, and the give and take aspect of love. The events happened during the feudal years when many countries go to war to gain territories and some aspects of the Renaissance. I know that it would be different from the past stories that I have written since the feel of realism and escapism are present, so bear with me. I will be posting it within this week.

Labels: Rages of the Heart

/sluggish Marjoured blogged at:
6/04/2006 09:56:00 PM
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Mother's Day Without a Mother / Sunday, May 14, 2006

Hmmm...It's Mother's Day today and my mom is not here with me in the house (aawww...that sucks!) Anyway, I'm celebrating it without her...It sucks 'coz my sis is with her again...

Well, before they left, I was celebrating...When I came back from the Youth Camp, I miss them terribly...I couldn't blame God for not choosing my parents well for me...I know and you all know, that they are His gift for us...And we must shower our love and affection to them. Imagine how hard it is to fend for yourself without them...

When we lose our parents, it is the hardest-hitting loss that we will ever suffer...Unless we want them to die...Our parents especially our mothers love us...We may be not shown enough affection by them...They work hard to give our needs....

Well, to all moms...and to my mom...HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!!!

Labels: Rages of the Heart

/sluggish Marjoured blogged at:
5/14/2006 02:32:00 PM
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YFC Youth Camp News Advisory 101 / Sunday, May 07, 2006

Hey! I'm back for good...Still fresh from the Youth Camp...Haha...I'm now an official member of Youth For Christ (YFC) and I'm proud of it! To think that I have attended a handful of YFC gatherings and I'm not even a member yet!(Count:RLC,YFC High School Summit,YFC Provincial Assembly,Youth Camp except the Kasangga Assembly) Hehe, well the experience is awesome...I have run out of words to express them all...So here they all are:

Friday, May 5, 2006

Hehe, since this day is a review day, I decided to take all my things with me to the review session. It was so hard carrying my duffel bag since it is so heavy...I guess I packed too much...

(Fast forward..)

After the review, I went out and saw the people who are going to the youth camp. There's Obie and Gio and Russell. Anyway, a lot of people were quite jealous 'coz they can't go...Anyway, I went with Obie to the lobby and to my surprise, a lot of the 4th year graduates were there, and also 3 of the 1st 4th year graduates...Hehe...Anyway, we boarded our car going to the venue...It's quite a long car ride and my back was aching...But when we arrived, it was the best surprise of my whole life...

It's a cold night in Indang...When we arrived, we were greeted by a handful of tents and some uh, creepy crawlies...We registered first our names and after that, got our Camp Kits...Then, we listened to Kuya Mon and Ate Apple about our groupings for the tents. After that, we were taught songs although I know some of them already (ok, i don't know the song Heaven) and after that, we had dinner...

After that, we had our first talk...It was delivered by Ate C.E. ...The talk was about God's Love and His Plan For Us...We realized that God has a "crazy dream" for us: a plan to give us a future and a hope. That's why he sent his only son to save us from our sins and mend our broken link with God.

Then, we played the game "Archer, Rabbit, Wall." It was a totally cool game and we won! Hehe... Then more songs were taught...

Then Talk two followed. This was delivered by Ate Dana...The talk was entitled: "Who is Jesus Christ to me?" We learned about the common misconceptions about Jesus and the best way to get to know him better. She also compared Jesus to Alexander the Great...

Then we had a sharing portion...I opened up to my groupmates about some aspects of my life...After that, we prayed all together...Then we went to our tents to freshen up...Most of the girls were eating in their tents...I hope ants won't attack them.

LIGHTS OUT.

Saturday, May 6, 2006

About 3 in the morning, I woke up, quite shocked. Because I felt that something was biting me. I thought I was just dreaming...So I decided to go back to sleep.

That wasn't the verdict.

At about 5 AM, I couldn't stand the bites anymore. I immediately got up and saw my tentmate, Aimee already up and trying to get the ants off.

Ants.

So that's the problem. I immediately helped Aimee to get rid of the ants...Then when I can't take it any longer, I went out of the tent where I saw people suffering the same fate...Then, to get rid of the itchiness, I decided to take a bath...But, there is no water.

I guess I woke up some of the sleeping tenants with my incessant complaining. They immediately guessed my plight...

When the water supply was restored, I immediately took a bath...

After taking a bath, I went to the session hall and worked up on my inbox...Then, BREAKFAST!

Then, time for talk 3...The speaker is Kuya Edwin...The talk is about Repentance, Faith, Healing and Forgiveness. We learned a lot about his past life and how he applied these principles to his life to change for the better. That healing occurs when we forgive, ask for forgiveness, humbly ask God to do so, and when we serve others.

Then, we had a letter writing activity. We wrote letters to our parents. I don't know what to put into the letter so I decided to write about my concerns and problems concerning them. After that, we had lunch and it's time for the One-to-One sessions...

ONE-TO-ONE SESSIONS

Well, basically I want to have this session so badly. I don't know why, maybe because I needed something to distract me from all the pain I've felt...So, I approached Ate Rachel and told her I want to have a session first. She agreed. We went to a secluded place in the campsite.

First, I told her about my family problems. All about me not wanting the course they want but eventually giving in to what they want. Then about me not sharing my problems to them because I feel this sort of foolish pride...Then I also told her about my problems with my friends(sorry, it's pretty confidential) and school problems.

Through this session, I managed to open up about what is really happening with my life...

-END OF NEWS ARTICLE-

continue...

Then she asked me what gift of the Holy Spirit would I want. I said gift of tongues.

Then we prayed together. After that, I went back to the hut. I sat there for no reason at all.
Then I talked to Obie about the latest happenings in school. Then, about 4, we had our E-NYT practices. I was with the singing group. We decided to sing Crazy for You and Same Ground. After that, we went outside for the mass. We rode tricycles to the church. Then, we realized that we arrived too early. So we went to buy drinks in a nearby store.

Then we went to the mass...

After that, we went back to the campsite for dinner. After dinner, we watched funny clips like Michael Jackson's rendition of My Favorite Things( I like pick a nose) and the Pooh Bear song. After that, we freshened up a bit.

Talk 4 followed...

The speaker was Kuya Norman...His talk was about Receiving God's Gift: The Power of the Holy Spirit. We were so amazed that we can receive the gifts of the Holy Spirit...

Then, we had our prayover session...I admit, I was so touched and at the same time guilty of the sins that I have done. Honestly, I was full of mind-numbing guilt. I was suddenly full of courage and conviction to serve God. When I slightly opened my eyes, I noticed that most of the people were standing up. Full of conviction that I never had, I stood up.

Then, the prayover began. I was called first by my faci and she prayed for me. It was an emotional moment...I was practically sniffing as she prayed...Then after that, I had this feeling of calm that I have never felt before...I went back to my seat as though I went back to life.

Then our first worship session began...I admit, it's not my first time to worship because of the past gatherings...But it's ok 'coz for some, it's their first time.

Then some last-minute preparations for our E-NYT presentations...Then we presented our song number...I admit it didn't turn out quite good but it's alright. We were practically laughing at the gag presentation...Kuya Kenneth's impersonation of Kuya Mon was so hilarious...

Then preparations to go to bed....All the girls thought they wouldn't be able to go to sleep...Kuya Mon was so persistent on keeping them awake...(He's teasing Aimee about sardines...) Me and Ate Laira were having a fight....Haha, it's such a long night...

LIGHTS OUT.

Sunday, May 7, 2006

I woke up at around 5:30 AM. True, I realy can't get enough sleep. But it's ok 'coz no ants were biting me as I slept. But, I realized that I was being bitten by the large ants that bite like hell..I took a bath early.

Working on my inbox once again...Hehe, I was writing messages on the colored paper.

Breakfast...Yum yum!

Then, prayer time and worship....

Then, we were asked to transfer to the shady part facing the river. There, talk 5 started. It was Kuya Mon who delivered the talk. It's about the Life and Mission of YFC...The one that caught my attention was when Ate Apple told us that they couldn't eat like we do there...

Then, we prayed...Then, some of us received the biggest surprise of our life...

Their parents and loved ones...

Some were crying when they saw their parents...But some were not so lucky. I was one of those not-so-lucky ones. But it's ok. It was Ate Rachel who served as my parent. They prayed for us and we prayed for them. Then, we went to the session hall for our final worship. Then we were awarded our certificates and ID's.

Then we had our lunch. But, we gave our lunch to the facis...

As we left the place, I felt complete renewal...I thank God for giving me the opportunity to be in this camp...For letting me bond with the people who I never thought I would get to know better and for making me a better person...

May GOD be forever praised...

Labels: Archives of my Life, Rages of the Heart, Tripping

/sluggish Marjoured blogged at:
5/07/2006 01:48:00 PM
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